The Rewards of War

Welcome to The Rewards of War, a one hour educational special. I'm your host, Red Collarbone. People often say that there are no winners in war, but that isn't true at all. The banks win because the government has to borrow more money from them to pay for the war effort. And of course, our beloved weapons industry also wins. And before you complain that the development of powerful weapons is a waste, consider how useful they will prove to be when the aliens invade from outer space. War also gives us a valuable geography lesson. Here in this country, we have so many states to memorize, we might never get around to learning the positions of countries like Iraq or Afghanistan on the map if we didn't try to erase those countries from the map. But the most valuable thing we gain from war is depopulation. China and India were experiencing problems with overpopulation until they started using the pill. This is because those countries have historically been too peaceful, whereas our ancestors, who had the good sense to kill each other off, left us with plenty of living space here in the West. Think about it. Every time you stretch out your legs, you owe it to some past war.
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© 2013. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.