The Race to Extinction

Host: If a genetically engineered disease was released on the population, it could kill us all. My first guest is from the Center for Disease Control. Sir, what would such an epidemic look like? Guest: That depends on the disease, but our demise would likely be slow and painful. An outbreak of, say, genetically engineered ebola would at first only kill the victim, his witnesses and health care workers, and the reporters who covered his story. It could take as long as a week before you look in the mirror and notice that your eyes are bleeding. At first we have a scenario in which the blood bank tells people to save their donations, but before long pools of blood are forming at controlled intersections, posing a slippery hazard for pedestrians and attracting swarms of vampire bats in search of a free drink. Then to top it all off, the intermittent screams of frightened little girls erode the nerves and interfere with sleep. Host: Harrowing. Would it kill us all? Guest: Almost. Scuba divers, asbestos workers, and astronauts could survive by wearing their protective gear. Host: What about front line Center for Disease Control workers? Guest: Yes, them too. Host: Our next guest is a farmer. He thinks we'll be wiped out in a different way, by a nuclear mishap. But aren't there airtight safety procedures in place to prevent such a catastrophe? Guest: Accidents can always happen. Someone could be smoking around the ICBM's and ignite the fuel. In the control room, a pesky fly could land right on the fire button and the staff person could forget that the safety is off before he whacks it with a rolled up newspaper. All it takes is one wayward ICBM to start an apocalyptic chain reaction. Host: Would it kill us all? Guest: All who remain on the surface: landscape painters trying to capture the explosions on canvas, tanners, and diehard equestrians. Only a lucky few with an advanced knowledge of hydroponics and indoor growing techniques would have the skills to grow food underground in the dark centuries to follow. Host: Horrible. And we still haven't touched on asteroids. This man thinks that if we're overdue for another asteroid like the one that wiped out the dinosaurs. What would that look like? Guest: As soon as it hit, you'd hear the band starting up. Kind of nihilistic sounding instrumental rock, perhaps a cross between Cheap Trick's You Must Be Crazy and Pink Floyd's Set Controls for the Heart of the Sun. As the rock burrows deeper and deeper into the planet, the music builds and builds. And then it stops. You're on the other side of the world and nothing's happened yet. All of a sudden the band kicks in all at once with a screaming lead guitar added to the foreground as the sky rains flaming, poisonous debris from the crash all over your head - maybe even after you just finished brushing your hair. Host: Dreadful. Would it kill us all?
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© 2007, 2013. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.