Classic Flicks: My Fair Hillbilly

Voice: He grew up on the wrong side of the swamp, leaving him with a crippling accent... (A city street. The hillbilly approaches two black men for directions.) Hillbilly: Can you boys help me out? Man #1: Who are you calling boys? Hillbilly: Well y'all sure don't look like girls! I's a new boy in this here locality and I's a-wonderin if y'all knew where I could get some grits. Man #2: Some what? Hillbilly: Grits. You know, pickled pig's ears, chicken fried cornbread, maybe some watermelon to wash it down. Man #1: There's a soup kitchen over there. Hillbilly: Over yonder? What kinda soup does they serve? I's allergic to black-eyed peas. Man #1: Man, get the Hell away from us. Hillbilly: What did I say? Voice: ...until a prominent speech therapist took an interest in him... (A parlour.) Therapist: Repeat after me: the utilization of polysyllabic terms is not in itself invincible evidence of an elevated intelligence quotient. Hillbilly: Come again? Voice: ...and at last he was able to talk to city slickers without offending them. (Back on the street, the hillbilly, in a new suit, approaches the same two men for help.) Hillbilly: Excuse me, gentlemen, can you direct me to the nearest financial institution? I wish to withdraw a large amount of currency from my account. (The two men leer at each other.) Man #1: Actually, we were just about to do the same thing. Why don't we all go there together? Hillbilly: Well now, that's right neighbourly! I mean, that's most hospitable of you. (Exit all three with the two men flanking the hillbilly on both sides.) Voice: Don't miss Crawdaddy Aimes in his most memorable role as Classic Flicks presents My Fair Hillbilly. Tonight.
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© 2007, 2013. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.