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In response to demands for more honesty in our reporting we proudly present the retroactive news. Let's start with the Gulf of Tonkin incident. We said the North Vietnamese attacked our ships in the Gulf of Tonkin to help push America into the Vietnam War. The whole story was a complete fabrication. We said that a swarm of African killer bees were headed here from South America. We're still waiting to see if that's true. And we'd love to tell you the truth about the Kennedy assassinations but we have to wait until 2063. In business, don't buy ENRON stock. Also, try to avoid mortgage schemes that seem too good to be true. And in entertainment, the Polish Canadian artist whose work you've seen and heard on our TV networks and radio stations and who we tried to blame for 911 turns out to have been innocent, while the ones we initially told you to trust, who used his songs and writings for profit without his permission and then maligned him to cover their trail, are guilty of fraud. And now for today's report.
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